i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
