I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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