Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
