oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We left an ass print on the piano.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
