Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
