Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
