I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
