why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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