I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
