We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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