Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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