The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
