Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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