It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
