I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
