Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
