he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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