Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize