Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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