Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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