I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
