omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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