Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
