And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
