before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
