Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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