When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think your dad took our porno
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
