You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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