I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I could fuck to npr.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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