when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
