i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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