im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
