on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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