My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
