My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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