I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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