Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
