god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
