you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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