reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
