ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
