I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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