this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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