that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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