you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
