and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
