should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This baby is an asshole
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
