The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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