totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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