I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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