I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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