I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
