she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
