aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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