you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize