At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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