Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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