guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
