Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
