he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
