Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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