Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
