the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
