I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
