with your own penis?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
