Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The air was thick with penises
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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