Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
