I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
