I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
