I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
