Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
