I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
MIDGETS
????
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
