he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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