Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
