i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I smell stomach acid.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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