Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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