I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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