Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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